Writing a letter to my boyfriend while listening...
I get to see him in about 37 hours. Not even sweating the interview tomorrow. Too excited for our one hour together. <3
My new position at work comes with a whole lotta work. Really didn’t see that coming! On top of that, I got a callback from Time Warner Media for their Hollywood office. I’m pretty sure I ruined all my chances because I was very “real” over the phone with the sales manager. But he still wanted me to come in for an interview so we’ll see how that goes. I’m not...
"I miss your bed, cupcake. Even if we're watching...
Going to New York in a month.
Received two letters from him tonight, one of which refers to me as his “amazing future wife.” He kills me. I want to get married and have kids and dogs and a white picket fence. And blue shutters. Goodbye, world.
Missing him so much right now. Besides the 15 minutes I spent getting breakfast around noon, I’ve been at home (in bed) all day. I even managed to squeeze a 2-hr nap into my busy schedule. I should actually be working on my resume more today. Back burner. Too busy being a sad sloth. Too pathetic, too drained. I filled out my next 2 visitation slips already, for Oct 1 & Oct 8. As if...
Headache. So Alfred flaked on me tonight. I circled the area 3-4 times to look for him. Nowhere in sight. I’m not upset. He could’ve easily lost track of time or forgot. I just hope he’s okay. The good news is I now have groceries for the week… I got to visit my darling today with his sister and dad. I drove into Bakersfield last night and spent the night on his...
Grateful. Day 15.
So, somebody high up in my company saved my job. At least for now. I’m very grateful, but I hate feeling indebted to someone else. It’s probably a good idea for me to still look for another job though. My new position doesn’t seem too secure, in terms of the business I’ll be handling. Here’s an “insider’s tip”: The computer industry is not doing well...
As if things couldn't get any worse
Life was like, HEY, why not get laid off from your job of 4 years? This way you’ll be even MORE broke, and you can’t even call your boyfriend to talk about it. It’s been a terrible day, indeed. He hasn’t called yet today. I’m dying to hear from him, but dreading it at the same time. I’m so afraid to tell him. I feel like I’ve let him down somehow, even...
I miss him. What else is new? He called and woke me up at 9:20 this morning, and that was the last time we spoke. I had a good time with friends in the afternoon. The four of us spent about 45 minutes at the mall with our sunglasses on. Douchebag contest. We all won. But of course, once I got home, it became sadness central. It’s only been 11 days. While I’m well aware that I sound...
Extremely long day. Numero Diez.
Just got home about 30 minutes ago, too tired to even make a sandwich for my rumbly tumbly. Left my house around 9AM today, arrived at Bakersfield around 11:15. Got to see him for an hour<3 Best hour all week. (I even snuck a feel of his hand with my finger!) Then had to help take care of his business, which took all day. Finally left Bakersfield around 8:15. Then stopped by Wal-Mart to buy...
This is a terrible stretch from all that I’ve been blogging about lately, but I want to be completely honest with my feelings. I just got my first whiff of doubt, since last Thursday. I’m now questioning the worth & fruitfulness of all of my actions. I’ve sacrificed a lot to be with this man, including certain standards I had upheld for myself. I never thought in my whole...
10 meals for $6
No, this isn’t some Groupon or Living Social deal. This is my life as a poor person. I just purchased $5 worth of sandwich ingredients at the 99 Cents Store, plus a bag of wannabe hot Cheetos (Mother Goose Blazin’ Hot Cheese Nibbles, wutwut!) I got myself a loaf of wheat bread, organic spinach leaves, super thin turkey slices, turkey pastrami slices, and a pouch of Chicken of the Sea...
(When he called me tonight.) Me: I was JUST texting to someone that you haven’t called! Him: Well, now you’re gonna have to erase that text, cuz I did call and I’m going to say sweet things to you, and you’re going to say you have the best boyfriend ever! Me: Then how am I going to get any sympathy? Him: That’s true. But I don’t want your friends thinking that...
Day 6 - Perspective
While driving home from my best friend Jessica’s house tonight, I accidentally tuned into “Lovesongs on the KOST” and heard a message from a Christine who was trying to “work things out” with her ex-boyfriend Sergio. The sincerity and quiet desperation of the message made me laugh out loud. I mean, it was sad, but her approach of dedicating a song to him on the radio...
Anonymous asked: I just want to pick you up and have an Office marathon all day long with juicy juice and cookies. Don't be sad no more, we'll always have sugar boob time :]
natalieannmk asked: debbie tan-tan... i love you so much and it breaks my heart that youre feeling so sad. youve always been such a shining light in ALL of our lives.... bringing us laughs, smiles, and warmsies. I can only hope that as your friends we can give you even a fraction of the happiness you bring to us. I know we cant fill that void, but we can try to shallow it.... i'll totally touch your bewbz. it...
I actually ate entire meals today, under the supervision of others. I knew I had to eat, so I asked Brian to get lunch with me. We had sushi. He made me eat more than I wanted :( Stupid, caring best friend of mine! I had to eat dinner too because I went out with my family, and I couldn’t let on that something was wrong. I still have no desire for food, which is a far cry from the regular me....
Cinematic and dramatic
Of course right after I bragged about being a big girl and not crying last night, I had a moment of weakness while looking through photos on my phone. I broke down at the fact that we can’t even go out to eat together, or go grocery shopping, or anything. Then, as if he could sense my sorrow, he called me right at that moment. He apologized again for putting me through this and I assured him...
I got to see him for an hour today. That was the high point of my day. The low point is right now, having just awoken from a nap, I’m feeling so lonely and sad. I haven’t shed a tear since Thursday night, aka Day 1. I’m growing stronger and stronger, but I’m still sad as ever. I just know any minute now, I’ll break down and shatter my no-crying streak. Right after I...
A difficult day.
Surely to be followed by many, many more difficult days. All strung together to form a tightly-weaved few months of hell. I wish the cause of my pain and anguish was petty and dumb. But it isn’t, at all. I wish I could poke fun at the situation on the Internet, per my usual coping method, but there is no ounce of humor to be found in any of this. Only sadness and helplessness. All desire to...
electricband asked: Thanks for liking the video and appreciating the sleep farting. I feel like we don't talk enough about that.